When Worlds Collide

Gretchen Koch found a Jehovah’s Witness pamphlet stuck in her door. She did a kind of lit crit. Enjoy Family Life With Parrots.

Yesterday some Jehovah’s Witnesses came to the door. I was not available, but fortunately they left a pamphlet curled under the door handle. I say “fortunately” because while I would rather wash a battleship with a kitchen sponge than engage in five minutes’ worth of theological debate with any sort of evangelist, I do appreciate being kept abreast of the form that these attempts at conversion tend to take. It’s been a long time since a Chick tract was stuffed under my car’s windshield wiper one rainy day whilst I was attending a lecture given by Bishop John Shelby Spong at a Unitarian Universalist church, you see, and I was curious to learn about the form of a Jehovah’s Witness missive left when the party whose home is visited unannounced and uninvited proves to be curiously not at hand.

As an owner of two budgies, I was instantly charmed by the inclusion of a blue-throated Macaw in this cover image to signify family happiness. One can’t help but wonder how it gets along with the two overweight Jack Russell terriers being petted by a daughter who looks rather like I looked and dressed when I about six– in the early 1980’s. Son with the unfortunate bowl-cut hairdo could use some work on declarative pointing as he seems to be a little unclear on where the bird is (or maybe he finds Dad’s chin really fascinating), while Mom sits on…something and gazes adoringly at something out of frame, long past the object closest to her face which happens to be Dad’s crotch. “Enjoy Family Life” is the title, bizarrely enough, but the subtitles are even better: “Can families really be happy?” asks the first one. “How is it possible?” wonders the second. If you’re the sort of person to ask these questions, one of those folks who finds him or herself gobsmacked at the very idea of a family being something other than miserable, well here’s your solution…get a parrot.

Gretchen goes on to apply her laser light to both illustration and text. I don’t think the Witnesses would want her– she asks too many questions. But they’re really funny questions. To see the budgie picture and read the rest, visit Cheap Signals.

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