To the one who carelessly sideswiped my car and smashed my mirror to pieces–What- were you on your cell phone? Didn’t have the decency to leave a note under my windshield? Have you never heard of SNOW?
You have invoked my wrath.
So I am ill-wishing you. This curse is warranteed for one year or 10,000 miles unless you put an envelope with cash and an apology in my mail. Just look for the house with the damaged car out front.
And if you fail to do the right thing–
May your car suffer mysterious starting problems that disappear when you take it to the garage. May your engine light be perpetually ‘on’. May an ominous noise resound from your undercarriage- randomly from different locations. May your paint flake. May rust afflict your fenders. May your gas milage be lousy and your tires go soft. May your upholstery smell weird and moldy. May electrical problems cause your horn to go squeaky and pitiful. May your mechanics have difficulty finding parts. May those parts be made in Azerbaijan and arrive by mule. May the mule be unambitious. And may your mechanics have the same sense of accountability you showed to the one you so cruelly wronged.
Beware, speed racer. I will be looking out for a car with a smashed mirror on the other side. It’s a small state. You better do the right thing.