Siskel and Ebert Give Two Thumbs Down to the Fred Phelps Drama

Raw Story reports that the traveling performance art troupe, Westboro Baptist Church, is planning a happening at the funeral of Roger Ebert, because he hurt their feelings with snarky Tweets.

Westboro, starring Fred Phelps, whose trademark punch line, “God hates figs” (or something like that) got top ratings on Google for the longest time, has been playing to diminishing audiences. I asked Gene Siskel if he and Roger Ebert were planning to review the show, now that they’re a team again.

Siskel: “You’d be surprised how busy it is up here. Even Eternity doesn’t justify wasting time on a one-act play you’ve seen too many times.”

Ebert: “It’s screechy and monotonous. Hate,hate,hate– they’ve worn it out. The only way to keep this act fresh is to bring in the element of surprise. Like Fred Phelps in a garter belt doing Rocky Horror. That would be worth watching.”

Siskel: “I wouldn’t rule that out- they’ll do anything for attention. But even skinny old Fred in fishnet stockings couldn’t save this tired routine. I give them thumbs down.”

Ebert: “Make that two thumbs down. Better pull the plug on the projector and roll up the screen. And speaking of pulling the plug, why does God let them get away with putting words in His mouth?”

Siskel: “Well, Roger, when you’ve been here a while you’ll notice that He works in mysterious ways. Anyway, God’s not the producer of that show– it’s sponsored by The Other Guy.”

Ebert: “No kidding!”

Siskel: “Yes, if they think it’s hot in Kansas in July they ain’t seen nothing yet.”

Well there you have it. And long after the credits stop rolling people will smile at the wit and brilliance of two men who loved the movies. Living well and giving people a reason to miss you when you’re gone. That’s all there is.

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