KFC New Scary Ad Campaign

Is She Hiding Her Fangs?

Providence is getting a first look at the Kentucky Fried Chicken of the future– boneless and skinless.

Any Ray Bradbury fans out there? Remember his short story, ‘Skeleton’? About the sinister doctor who lures a hypochondriac into his office and eats his bones? That one kept me up at night. I wonder if the woman on the poster is covering her mouth to hide the hollow tongue she uses to suck the bones out of dead chickens while she sets her traps for live prey?

Maybe KFC, which is bigger than lots of countries, has perfected the factory farm. There in little tanks the boneless, skinless chickens chirp feebly for the nutrient mush that pours into their beakless mouths from a network of pipes that criss-cross the acres-wide building. Outside, armed guards recruited from motorcycle gangs and disgraced South African police ensure that the public never sees the jellified mutant creatures that will become their Double Down sandwich with special sauce.

Maybe Margaret Atwood, like so many science fiction writers, anticipated the future, and KFC is growing Chickienobs.

Or maybe KFC has concocted a mix of grease, salt, sugar and protein that pushes all our appetite buttons and slides down so easy that you don’t even need teeth to inhale a day’s worth of calories in fifteen minutes. And it’s cheap, too.

I can’t even pretend that this food is disgusting. It tastes great. Broccoli can’t compete.

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